In filling the Glenallen Hill role for the 2010 Yankee, Marcus Thames has been terrorizing left-handed pitchers to the tune of obscene on-base and slugging percentages. If he could continue this pace for the balance of the season, he would boast one of those monstrous Strat-O-Matic cards that would have you tempted to play him every day. But, then again, you’d probably want to restrict him to DH duty because of his dreadful defensive play in the outfield. Thames would likely grade out as a ‘4’ on the Strat card. For those not familiar with Strat-O-Matic, that’s the absolutely worst fielding grade you can achieve.

How badly has Thames played in the outfield for the Yankees? Every time the ball is hit in his direction, diehard Yankee fans begin to clutch their chests. Thames gets bad breaks on the ball, struggles in trying to track the ball, and then, even if he reaches the ball, has trouble holding on to it. That, friends, is the Triple Crown of fielding incompetence.

Thames’ play in left field has been so historically bad that it has me thinking of the worst defensive outfielders I’ve ever seen. I’ve been watching baseball since the early 1970s, giving me a chance to observe about 40 years of horrific outfield play. All of the following players could hit, but they each managed to play the outfield with such a lack of skill that the results bordered on the comical.

(Left Field) Kevin Reimer: Remarkably, Reimer averaged an error for every ten games he played in the outfield. He was particularly bad on those rare occasions when his teams dared to put him in right field, where he posted an .875 fielding percentage. This former Rangers and Brewers outfielder tried real hard, but he had no instincts, couldn’t run, couldn’t catch, and couldn’t throw. When it comes to awful fielders, Reimer had it all.

(Left Field) Greg “The Bull” Luzinski: The Bull played like the proverbial “bull in a china shop,” in left field, combining incredibly slow feet with a weak arm and a general awkwardness. Having to play on the artificial turf of the old Veterans Stadium only underscored Luzinski’s lack of speed and coordination. It remains a mystery why the Phillies ever moved him from his original position at first base.

(Left field) Lonnie “Skates” Smith: A standout with both the Cardinals and Royals, Smith ran as fleetly as any of his outfield contemporaries, but he encountered problems in other areas. Such as staying on his feet. Like the proverbial drunken sailor, Smith fell down a lot, so much so that he earned the label of Skates. Balls hit into the gaps and down the lines posed special problems since they required more running from the fall-prone Smith. Smith also had poor hands for an outfielder, so even if he stayed on his feet, there was no assurance that he would hold onto the ball.

(Left field) Luis Polonia: Like Skates, the ex-Yankee had speed to burn, but his other deficiencies more than negated his one strength as a defender. Polonia tended to take adventurous routes to the ball, especially on drives over his head. He also featured a subpar throwing arm, a problem that was exacerbated by his tendency to lob parachutes toward the infield. The high hang time would have worked ideally if Polonia was punting footballs, but the looping throws often eluded the cutoff man and ended up in no-man’s land.

Polonia was also memorable for the size of his outfielder’s glove, which often exceeded the maximum limits of the rule book. At times, Polonia’s glove looked more like a frying pan.

(Center Field) Willie Montanez: Another former Phillie, Montanez lasted only two seasons in center field before management mercifully moved him to first base. Montanez would become a Gold Glove caliber first baseman, but he lacked the foot speed and the tracking ability needed to play in the middle of the outfield. An honorable mention goes to Ralph “The Roadrunner” Garr, who would have won the balloting at this position if only he had played more than 63 games in center field.

(Center Field) Gene Richards: Like The Roadrunner, Geno had terrific lateral speed, but it rarely brought him to the ball without misadventure. Richards ran bad routes and possessed pitchfork hands, a deadly combination for a center fielder. The Padres wisely played him in left field, but he struggled almost as badly there as he did in center field. And just for good measure, Richards couldn’t throw either.

(Right Field) Pedro Guerrero: Given the demands of the position, where both agility and a strong throwing arm are usually required, it’s hard to find someone truly awful for this spot. But Guerrero fits the bill. He didn’t care much for fielding–and it showed. Guerrero could throw, but everything else proved a challenge. He might have been better off holding a bat in right field.

(Right Field) Adam Dunn: The “Big Donkey” has played far more games in left field, but we needed a right fielder so we’ll plug him in here. Dunn is the slowest outfielder I’ve seen since Luzinski in the early 1980s, a kind of Boog Powell of the outer pasture. Combining his lack of speed with awkward movements and a bad throwing arm, Dunn achieved new lows with his outfield play. Thankfully, the Nationals moved him to first base and have no intent of returning him to the outfield.

***

As someone who has lived and worked in Cooperstown for 14 years, I’m often asked, “What are the Hall of Fame players like? Who are the nicest guys among the Hall of Famers?” In response to the latter question, my answer usually starts with Brooks Robinson and proceeds toward Fergie Jenkins, Phil Niekro, and Billy Williams. And then, it includes Robin Roberts.

Roberts, who died unexpectedly on Thursday morning at age 83, was one of those baseball greats who made you feel like you mattered, whether you were an intern at the Hall of Fame or the institution’s president. Always a welcome sight in Cooperstown, he had never missed an induction ceremony since his own enshrinement in 1976. Quietly proud of his Hall of Fame membership, Roberts loved Cooperstown like the most loyal of friends.

As a pitcher, we all know what a wonderful workhorse Roberts was for those Phillies teams of the 1950s. Yet, I’ve always been curious about his would-be days as a Yankee. Even though Roberts never actually appeared in a game with the Yankees, he spent the entire spring of 1962 with the franchise. During the winter, the Yankees acquired him from the Phillies in exchange for a small sum of cash, this after he had lost ten of 11 decisions during a dismal 1961, and had seemingly lost his fastball along the way.

Believing that he still retained some of his utility, the Yankees intended to use him toward the back end of their starting rotation. That remained the plan at the beginning of spring training. When the Yankees visited Clearwater, the Phillies’ spring training site, in March of 1962, Roberts’ former team honored him by retiring his uniform No. 36. Roberts pitched that day, giving up four runs in three innings, but was credited with the victory in a 13-10 win for the Yankees. For the spring, Roberts allowed 15 hits and eight runs in 11 innings.
In spite of those sickly numbers, Roberts made the Yankees’ Opening Day roster. But manager Ralph Houk had no role for the veteran right-hander, either as a starter or in relief. In late April, after the Yankees had played six games without Roberts making a single appearance, the team released him. That’s why Roberts is not listed as having played for the Yankees in Total Baseball or at baseball-reference.com.

As it turned out, the Yankees made a mistake in parting with Roberts. The 35-year-old right-hander soon signed with Baltimore, becoming an effective starting pitcher for Billy Hitchcock’s Orioles. He logged three solid seasons as a starter for the Birds before finishing out his career with the Astros and Cubs in 1965 and ‘66.

I’ve always felt a bit regretful that Roberts never got to pitch a game for the Yankees. It would have been nice for him, the good gentleman that he was, to have played for the hometown team. Robin Roberts would have looked mighty good wearing pinstripes on the Yankee Stadium mound.

Bruce Markusen lives in Cooperstown with his wife Sue and daughter Madeline.