THE MOUTH THAT ROARED

Just how long did you think we were going to have to wait for fat-ass Boomer Wells to open his big, fat, mouth? Wells, one of the few current Yankees who would have been right at home on the Bronx Zoo teams of the late 1970s and early 80s, sounded off yesterday, and was in good form, defending Derek Jeter, and pushing for a contract extension. According to the New York Post:

“Derek is not a party guy, he is not out there every night, trust me,” said a chuckling Wells. “He has gone out a couple of times, big deal. [Jeter] has every right to be mad. I try to get him to go out but he goes to dinner, goes to a movie and calls it a night. He didn’t have a .300-plus season [last year], but we all have a bad year.

“He has done a lot for this team and carried this team at times, especially in the postseason. For George to jump on him like that was unfair. George tries to light a fire under your [butt]. I think it’s the wrong way to do it, in the press instead of going up to the individual. I think that would be a lot better.”

OLD MAN RIVER

David Cone was his usual self-depricating, charming self yesterday as he described his comeback as “a long shot.” Seeing pictures of Cone next to Leiter and Glavine in the locker room looked more like a college reunion, or a casting call for “That Championship Season” than a legitimate comeback.

The Mets have issued Cone Doc Gooden’s old number 16 for good luck. But he’ll need more than mojo to make the team.

“I think people understand what’s going on here, that this is just an old warhorse who’s having a hard time retiring and wants to give it one last shot,” Cone said.

You said it mister.

A REAL MENSCH

I was talking to my cousin Gabe yesterday, and he just can’t get excited for his Mets yet. Of course it’s still early, but it’s hard to begrudge any Met fan for being cautiously optimistic at best.

“Maybe it would be different if Fonzie was coming back,” he told me.

True indeed. But as Whitestone’s finest, Edgardo Alfonzo packs his bags for San Francisco, he’s not leaving New York without saying goodbye. Alfonzo has rented ad space on the top of taxi cabs for the next month, where he has an banner that reads: Fonzie Loves New York.

The gesture is a reminder of what Met fans will be missing in Alfonzo: a real mensch.

I don’t know if it will make Gabe feel better or worse.