Sitting in the row in front of Emily and me last night at Yankee Stadium was a young woman–mid-twenties–wearing a Derek Jeter t-shirt and jeans. Hippie-chick. Ponytail, flip flops. She was there with her father. She leaned forward to watch the action, giving the wife and me a clear, almost unavoidable, look at the crack in her ass. Now generally speaking, this is nothing that I would complain about, and it is not that she had an unattractive rump, but I was turned off. I joked about it to the wife but it wasn’t funny for long.
Then the wife ate a hot dog, her second in the last two weeks. This is notable because the wife hasn’t eaten a hot dog since the first Bush administration. She had it with ketchup and I resisted the urge to rag on her for that bit of goyishness. So I called a friend to tell her the news. And in the course of our conversation I mentioned the unsightly ass crack.
Only I mentioned it loudly enough for the young woman to adjust in her seat and tuck her shirt in. And then I felt like that biggest jerk in the world. I thought of apologizing but then that might have only made matters worse. I didn’t mean to blow up her spot like that.
It took me two full innings to get over it and concentrate back on the game.
I was sitting in Todd’s seat. I thought about him and felt worse. Acting like a mo mo in his seat. But then I remembered how forgiving Todd was and I calmed down some. Then the game got exciting–Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira combined for a slick play to end an inning, Brett Gardner gave the Angels a taste of their own medicine, and Mariano Rivera finished it off.
The wife was happy, so proud of her hot dog experience. She enjoyed the Stadium–liked it even more than the previous one–and we went home happy. Though I’m still not proud of embarrassing that girl.
Good story. I hate those kind of moments. You just have to allow time to pass, but even then sometimes you think back and feel bad again.
I know, and I'm the putz on the cell phone talking too loud. Jeez.
My worst moment at the old Stadium featured a slightly worse situation. There was a beer vendor who would sell in my section (U7) . Instead of yelling out "beer here", he would yell out random stuff: "Now batting, Mell Hall". He would sometimes yell out lineups from twenty years ago from random teams instead.
One day, he was just yelling one name over and over. So I commented out loud, "Man, that guy sounds like he has Tourettes!" People laughed at my comment. There was a woman with a kid sitting in front of me. She turned to me angrily: "You should really think about what you say. My son here has Tourette's" Needless to say, I didn't have a response and she turned around.
D'oh! I was left calculating the number of times in my life I joked about Tourette's (<5) and the likelihood that a sufferer of that disease would be sitting in front of me at a Stadium of 56,000 people when I cracked that joke.
The worst part of it in terms of embarrassment is you have assigned seats. You're stuck with whomever you insulted, and possibly for a long time.
Yeah, we could have moved but those were Todd Drew's seats we were in and I wasn't about to move. The girl didn't even say anything to her dad about it, she just must have overheard it. Oh man, I reliving it all again.
Dag!
LOL
Five days later, I still don't feel bad for telling those morons that ruined Jeter's hit for us to go fuck themselves. I figured I would by now, but I really don't
Atta boy, Alex. Discouraging young, hippie female plumbers. We MORE of those NOT LESS. : )
Just kidding. I would have felt bad, too. She'll get over it, though.
[5] Yeah you thought you'd unburden yourself by blogging but instead you've breathed new life into it - perhaps life everlasting!
[6] What was that again? If you don't mind me asking.
LOL!
My husband eats pastrami with mayo. It's inexcusable. At least, a hot dog with ketchup, while goyish is also how children eat it before they develop a taste for mustard. Maybe it's ocmfort food.
I had tickets for last nights game and didn't make it our. Looked like fun.
Since the invention of low-rise jeans, butt cracks have exploded onto the scene. Sitting in a pair of those jeans is like offering a cornucopeia of gluteus lineus. You can look it like you did her a favor by making her conscious of needing to be more modest in public. You could've been a perv instead of a prude. Although, I like putz. You'll live.
Could be worse, Alex - she (or her dad) could have been someone you know, or work with, or even worse, for. I remember a lunch with my dad and his "boss" where I opened my mouth and inserted my foot and most of my leg into it by inadvertently insulting my dad's boss - and I didn't learn I had done so until after the lunch was over (though my dad and his boss both knew).
I still grimace when I think about it.
My husband eats pastrami with mayo.
No!
At least, a hot dog with ketchup, while goyish is also how children eat it before they develop a taste for mustard. Maybe it’s ocmfort food.
That could be it. After I discovered Guldens (spicy brown mustard in general), it's rare that I'll eat a hot dog without mustard.
Matter of fact, I've pretty much given up on ketchup, I use bbq sauce more often.
[12] Once in a while, he chooses Pastrami with Russian Dressing. There are no words.
A hot dog with spicy brown mustard-yum.
I'm with you on bbq sauce. I have so many different kinds.
My four year old eats hot dogs with ketchup. It's a real problem. Learning to read is going on the back burner until she gets past that.
I think the most embarassing moment of the new stadium is yet to happen...
The Yankee Bowl would pit the 7th place Big 12 team against either the 3rd or 4th place Big East team.
Baylor vs West Virginia in the middle of the Bronx on a rainy Saturday in December is gonna be awesome
Once in a while, he chooses Pastrami with Russian Dressing. There are no words.
I can see Russian Dressing (assuming he's having a reuben). I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of bread he uses
I think the most embarassing moment of the new stadium is yet to happen…
Other than the YMCA dance? :)
[5] I guess the important question is, if it comes to it, can you take her dad?
[10] Ketchup is inexcusable.
In a world with barbecue sauce, catsup is inexcusable.
Period.
Heh. I was at the game with my pop. No asscracks to be seen in section 421. Though an Angels fan in Ugg boots (pushing winter are we?) a couple seats over commented on the size of my sausage... sandwich that is. Not too bad for 8 bucks she thought.
[2] Yet another reason I don't have a cell phone. Too many people ruining the game for others by yakking too loud on them. Shut up and enjoy the game, or just talk to the folks you're with.
Er, did I just type that out loud?
slinks away
Your husband eats Pastrami with Mayo? How is everything in Des Moines? as the old saying goes.
[16] I draw the line on bread choice. It's rye or nothing. I can only take so much.
[21] D'oh. Tough crowd. Hope you have no banterites from Des Moines or you'll be on a roll.
I was doused in the middle of the night at winter camp with Mustard. I'll never forget the counselor who did it telling me to chill out as I was dropping f-bombs at 2 in the morning as a 10 year old. Ha. Even the smell of it makes me
nauseous. I didn't even like it before that event. Gross.
I like my hot dogs with ketchup and mustard, is that bad?
Jeter SS
Damon LF
Teixeira 1B
Rodriguez 3B
Matsui DH
Posada C
Cano 2B
Swisher RF
Gardner CF
I thought of that too...who else can I offend. But if anyone from Des Moines has beef, so be it.
LOL
[25] Nope. I do to. When I was a kid I preferred catsup, then in my teen years I was exclusively a mustard fan. Now I like both.
The trick is getting a good hot dog.
28 I like Hebrew National (they have to answer to a higher authority). Oscar Mayer isn't bad either.
well, we all know i'm the last person to jump on in a food conversation, but fuck it - here goes...
i haven't had red meat in over 17.5 years. but when i was a kid and ate hot dogs, i always had them with ketchup on a white bread roll. i don't understand why that's bad; i've never ever heard that until today. i always thought that was normal, or it was either/or about ketchup or mustard.
i echo Just Fair in [24] - i think any and all kinds of mustard are completely disgusting. yuck and feh! oh, and i hate the term "catsup" - what the fuck is that all about?! : /
why, oh why, are hot dogs w/ ketchup considered "goyish". my mom would've been the first to mention that when i ate them and never did, so again, this is the first i'm hearing of that.
never had pastrami. but i like lotsa different kinds of breads!
i used to hit Nathan's in NY, when i was growing up, all the time. there was even a cool one on LI, that had an arcade and was a cool hangout spot!
30 Hot dogs on white bread, the ultimate cheap meal, and yet a kid favorite. Man that brings back memories.
[31] simple and cheap! i was already preparing to live the life of a starving artist! ; )
26 BTW that is some lineup. A pitcher can't make a mistake to batters 1-8 and if he lets #9 get on there could be problems.
[28] Hebrew National, Nathans or Sabretts... Ball Park Franks (they plump when you cook them!), will do in a pinch :)
btw, i can't let this go on this specific thread, and hope my boy Mr. OK Jazz Tokyo scours it later... he'd be disappointed if i didn't mention this...
Lou Donaldson had a rare, late Blue Note album called "Hot Dog". 1969.
i don't have a link, but the cover is a smiling lady holding a hot dog. appears to be pretty generic, white bread roll, NO condiments!
i have the CD (which is hard to find!!!).
[6] From the post game thread
new thread. i'll post this in both places. somewhat bad news from Petey:
UPDATE, 4:05 p.m.: Pettitte being skipped until Monday because of shoulder fatigue. Gaudin starts tomorrow.
UPDATE, 4:15 p.m.: Girardi said it’s not serious. They believe this extended rest will “knock it out.”
35 Here you go, the Japanese version too, I think.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_K8PHR8QVBLY/SDzeVw7WDCI/AAAAAAAAAEw/iOwMXiQZYvs/s320/61Y63FW1SML._SS500_.jpg
[38] nice! yeah, that's the one! i have the original domestic CD release from 1994. that's a newer Jap one, remastered. i have some from that series. not sure if it's standard jewel case or mini LP. i only collect the former.
unfortunately, the album's not that great. certainly not one of LD's more memorable ones from that period. that said, it's still pretty good...
[37] Well, short term, I have to watch Mitre and Gaudin back to back. Long term, Andy Pettitte is healthy and we win the world title.
I'll muddle through
[36] I remember you posting that. I would've done the same. I've always made it a habit to try to stand out of a person's line of sight during game action. I wait until between innings do check tickets/find seats/use restrooms.
A little common courtesy goes a long way, IMO. But your story goes to show how clueless people often are.
Gaudin isn't that bad, especially when used properly. Mitre, OTOH...
[36] Geez
[42] Walks are my pet peeve
I would not have pegged you for the cell phone guy, Alex. But I'm not surprised you've got a lot of Fred Flintstone in you. Big mouth, big heart!
Reminds me of this article from NY Times, about how morality is hard-wired into the human brain. (Which caught my eye because of the Yankees/Red Sox illustration, and turned out to be pretty interesting, even though it's not really about baseball.)
Heck, maybe you did her a favor in the long run. Saved her from inadvertently flashing her boss or her inlaws one day. ;-)
[39] Awesome album cover! Blue Note covers really can't be matched.
Way late here but I thought I should confess to the following..I have tried a hot dog only once in my life as a kid. I found it so disgusting! Still do..Whenever we were in the city as kids comign from Brooklyn I always stuck to pretzels and pizza..same at the Stadium..
Pastrami is A-OK though..my god, would love a real sandwich right now..with all the great food here they still have few places to get a giant, tasty sandwich with real bread...
[21] Wait up, "goyishness"? What's a word for the opposite of antisemitism? This goy is strident mustard-only hot dog man. However, it must be Grey Poupon. ;>)
[3] I know! My last game I was talking to my bud and he said something really wacky and I said "That's nuts man... what are you, from Mars?". And sure enough, the lady in front of me turns around and tells me I should watch what I say, and that she and her family happen to be from Mars (I thought her complexion did have a greenish tint).
Wow! Was I embarrassed. I mean... who knew? What are the odds?
I mean these days, you just really have to be careful what you say.
Peanut Gallery. Just a quick, slightly off topic, New Stadium story. Has anyone sat in the Peanut Gallery? Terrace section, last row. I sat in Dugout Terrace seats, row 7. There are people sitting directly above us, actually on the concourse. All the peanut shells they throw on the ground end up in our hair and on our backs. This goes on the whole game. Everyone in the row gets covered with peanut schmutz. We look back and the people behind us say, "It's not us, it's the wind," which is true, but still. There needs to be a lip on the edge of he concourse to stop the schmutz. Anyway, just wondered if anyone else had the same experience.
Gutty Gritner!
[47] Try Dean & Delucca, if you don't mind throwin' down some change. Too bad Pret a Manger shut down.