They can do wheat!

This is a brand-new situation for all of us.
For luck, I popped open a bottle of the NYY 2012 Reserve Chardonnay to be drunk out of the 2000 Wold Series Champions mug.

I'm enjoying this last 30 minutes of calmness before the game begins. Then the nerves and nuttiness will settle in right quick. Go Yankees!

Congrats to the Beltrans who welcomed a new bambino into their family yesterday

Hey, if they get smoked, they get smoked, fuck it.
Play like it's fun and see what happens!

Oh, and [0] "King of the Yankee Bloggers", is he? And who are you, Belth, the Jester?

Don't dress for the occasion or anything, Broadway guy.

[4] Hear hear!

All right, Team, here we go...

[5] "Oh and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned"

[4] Aww, that's nice.

Yeah, that's what I had in mind, actually.

Let's just hope this isn't the day the music dies.

Been a while. Mazel tov to the Beltrans. Let's keep the season alive please. Looking for Alex to come up big.

When the Jester sang for the King and Queen
In a coat he borrowed from Ring Lardner
And a voice that came from you and me...

"Dallas, you're going back to Houston!

[13] :)

[14] Where's Austin Jackson when you need him?

I hate this little shit. Lead off walk not allowed. Strike em out.

Sit the fuck down.

There's one!

26 more strikemouts, please.

Yeah baby!
25 more...

[16] Austin could hit Dallas...

Strike three!

That's two

Niiiiice!

Tanaka cool as a cucumber

Okay, I'll accept a weak fly ball too.

Now let's teach these boys a little lesson.

Now, some runs!

Fabulous.

Nice job, Tanaka.

Nice job.

Sweet. Atta boy, Tanaka!

Let's score a couple.

Fuck you and that fucking beard.

Oi. Why does this pitcher have a fake beard? I know. Lame observation.

Let's go Yankees!

Base runner

Damn it.

Come on, Alex.

Nice. But I knew that because I'm apparently way behind. Fuck sling tv (free trial).

No K's tonight, Alex

Okay, grampa, your moment has come early methinks. Nail one please, for old time's sake!

I fucking HATE this goddamned strike zone graphic ESPN uses.

It's SO fucking DISTRACTING!

Fucking god fucking hell.

Crud.

Fuck.

Anncr much more enthusiastic about ARod K than Astros K's

I have to say I can't see why this guy's so good. Location, I guess. The ball doesn't move all that much (to my eye anyway), certainly doesn't pack a lot of heat.

Baseball is hard.

[39] so far, it shows that ump calls are correct. That's something.

Omg.

Fuck.

I feel ill now.

Ferfuck's sake!

Shit

This is very, very bad.

Was Rasmus' tater a NYS special or did he crush one?

McCarver retired and now there's Kruk. What a fuck all deal.

Would have been encouraging had Gardner pump his fist or something when he caught that ball instead of put his head down like to say oh crap almost another homer.

[51] He crushed it.

Uh oh.
Castro doesn't scare me, except with two on in Yankee Stadium. Worried about the RF line...

[51] He hit it pretty well but not quite crushed, either. More than a fly ball, less than a bomb.

Not good

[51] It was not a cheapie.

I hate this so much.

I just can't take this.

Please, Tanaka.

Bear down.

Get it together.

And shut your fucking hole, Kruk, you asshole.

Uh, boy.

Christ

OH, fuck you!!

Fuck you!

That was a strike!!!!!

I'm a nervous wreck.

Oh, man.
Gulp.
Loaded for Altuve.

Talk about one for the money, I'd say this is the one.

Rasmus looks like the leader of The Furies. What a bastard.

How could two innings be so different?

God, that was right over the plate.

That was a break.

That was a great pitch.

One more, please.

Please get the fuck out of this...

Ugh.

Exhale.

Phew

God.

Jesus.

Dear Mo! Not to Headley. yikes.

[67] Sterling's Law.

Hey, could someone please buy Weeping a drink?

phew

It really pays to win the division

still 2 minutes behind. do NOT depend on sling tv to be live. It's kind of a terrible service. I can't even be logged in on my ipad and my roku at the same time.

39 pitches through 2.

[39] I like the strike zone overlay but would be better if they lowered the opacity a little so it was more subtle. Btw, do they change the upper limit per batter? Hard to notice.

Fuck off blue you shitheel.

[76] laughing

Infuckingdeed.

Where was that strike zone in the top half?

[81] I think they do. Pitch f/X does, and I think that's what they must use.

That's a fucking ball.

I'm starting to get a clearer idea of how Keuchel pitches so well. He has a biiiiig strike zone.

Nice.

At least that's something.

man we are getting jobbed on the strike zone.

That overhead shot was clearly a ball. Oi! Nice hit, Bird.

nice. at least we aren't being no hit now.

Yes, we get it, it's a one game fucking playoff.

Damn it..

[66] Hysterical! He really does.

I'm supposed to be hitting some hard core corporate espionage here this morning at ACME Research but decided to 'catch up on some paperwork' instead.

[60] Kruk is unlistenable. Almost makes me miss Schilling..well, no, can't go that far..

39 pitches after two for both Dallas and Ma-Kun..bullpens ahoy.

Well, first dent in Keuchel's new truck, anyhow.

Interesting to see how McCann and blue greet each other. Which is why ESPN will show a hot dog vendor or something until the third pitch,

FUCKKKK!

This isn't a matter of strategy. He's just wild. Wonder how long the leash is and who's up next?

Not a good start to the inning

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck .

This is going to get ugly.

Very, very ugly.

This is horrible.

Warren?

One out.

Two good outs.

Two outs.

[103] Nova?

I love Tanaka but they have to get Warren up now.

Never mind Sterling's Law: I'm thinking about Art Fowler's Law.

ok ok. not bad. one more...

That 0-1 was a good pitch.

Hey, booth. Get over your hard on for this guy.

[108] I don't think so. Their best chance is for Tanaka to recover his first-inning form.

Hey hey heads up Headley!

Who knew he could do that?

That's HEADLEY!

OH, NICE PLAY!!!

exhaling

Phew!

Put a star on that one, Chase.

wow nice play!

Oh, Brett.

What in the living fuck was that shit?

That's INSIDE!!!

You're killing us, blue

Jesus.

What fucking slop.

Archer a great commentator

it's easy when they call that crap a strike. Seriously then we have to swing at everything.

God.

Unbelievable.

Man.

They have to take him out now.

First pitch of the inning turns out to be a big one, twice.

What the hell? I go to refresh my drink and now a second run?

solo home runs are survivable. My concern is that our offense sucks.

His split not splitting enough

Hmm, Wilson

stop walking scrubs though.

[130] You need to quit drinking.

Nicely turned

YAY!

Double play!

God.

Keep battling, Tanaka.

Let's get some fucking runs now.

See, leaving Tanaka in was the right call.
I know Wilson is good, but bullpen r0u1ette is bad.

nice!

[138] He's not sharp though, 3 BBs already. If he gives up a 2-run dinger it could be all over..

[132] like the last time this team made the playoffs all the pressure is on the pitching to be perfect.

Let's go!

[140] Right, but if we go to the pen in the fourth inning, somebody is going to cough up a couple of runs.

How does he strikemout so much? I still can't see it.

No!
Dammit, what a catch. Damn.

This Jessica is an outstanding color guy, btw.

We need some fucking runs.

damn it nice catch

Crap on a cracker, offense got nuthin'

[146] agreed. SHe's great. She was obviously nervous at the start. And damn it's nice to not hear yet another dude's voice.

[149] plus, she replaced Schilling.

Goddamn, he has some arm.

Slick ass play.

[150] An incalculable upgrade.

Come on, Tanaka, one more...

[144] Perfect location plus changing speeds

[150] A friend sent me a copy of Schilling's facebook page..it was glorious in its inanity.

[143] 5IP, 2ER we can take from Tanaka on a night he's not dominant. But how are they not hitting this Dallas guy?

[155] And a little help from blue.

Nice.

Hats off, Tanaka.

Hell yeah. Make something happen. For the love of Mo!

[156] I dunno.
I really do not believe he changes speeds more than most decent pitchers. I can't figure it out.
Maybe there's something deceptive in his delivery -- hidden release point or something.

Tanaka is battling. I hope he can keep us close and we can get to that pen.

[156] The charm of Curt Schilling's inanity is not so much appreciated in Rhode Island.

[146] give me Suzyn

Getting about 6 balls out of the zone called strikes helps.

[159] Jazz Jr was very very concerned that we'd lose to 'Dallas Kalikle'.

Seems like it''s 20-0 with out line up.

[149] She's fantastic and her observations are spot on.

Can't get a fucking hit.

their fielding has been good to boot. Not helping our inept bats.

Couple of decently struck balls, maybe we get to Dallas next inning

[165] "out" line up, "our" line up = same thing

Justin time

I'm impressed with Tanaka's battling.

Okay, here we go. I think Wilson Betances Miller can handle four innings. Let's hope we need five innings of relief, maybe Severino can finish it off.

[172] It's his pitchling that's not so hot, huh?

I meant Wilson Warren Betances Miller.

I'm having flashbacks to Ervin Santana, Kenny Rogers, Paul Byrd, Cliff Lee (twice) and Scherze. All of those nights were spent on the Banter.

Seriously, Two-Drink-Jackholes-in-a-Houston-Bar?

I hope the Astros' season ends tonight, but if they should go all the way: No parade for you mouth-breathers.

ok, people - your good luck charm is here! i'm supposed to be teaching, but there's a big clinic at the school, so i'm now home watching. and getting paid for the classes : )

btw...

fuck rasmus, fuck gomez, fuck that beard and, most of all, fuck this fucking ump fucker.

That Cervelli for Wilson trade really didn't work out, did it?

Needed that.

Nice.

you're welcome.

[i'll be here all night.]

[179] Do you mean he's an 'ump fucker' i.e. 'he fucks umpires'? Or did you mean more 'this fucking umpire motherfucker'? Subtle differences in my perception of how you feel about him.

Word. 6-4-3.

Ok, we score here

Didi's going to get it rolling.

[180] I dunno, they're both kind of mediocre players.
Cervelli was more fun, if that's what you mean.

[187] Didi does Dallas.

[179] let's get the rally now. Fuck Kuechel and his "I'm a dude working at a craft brewery" beard.

[189] of course you said that.

[191] I know, it was fated. It was inevitable.

There ya go, the porno joke is magic, magic I tell you.

[184] haha! i was thinking that when i was typing. but i'm also trying to eat...

Jesus.

That thing just squeaked through.

Like Luis Sojo.

Didi!

Thelarmis, do you know Keuchel has 222 strikeouts?

C'mon now. Atta boy, Didi.

[192] laughing

Pleeeaaaaase no DP

[193] Astros radio guy just said 'Didi fisted one past Dallas and squeezed it in the hole'...Ahem..

You suck, Brett.

God, you fucking suck.

brett would've been better off bunting.

should've started ellsbury...

[201] hahaha!

Jesus fucking Christ, Btett. Absolutely fucking atrocious.

Brett certainly has mastered striking out on a ball out of the strike zone.

[201] that's awesome. did you tape it?!

[201] I'm telling you. The porn jokes and references just arrive unbidden. Neither I nor the Astros' radio guy is an agent; we are merely conduits, if you will.

Damn it!

Fuck fuck fuck.

[197] i bet you 223 of them were with this fucking ump behind the dish.

Nice take out, Didi

Like the takeout, Didi

tie the game, beli

Ih. If someone fud that to Didi I would lose my mind. Not cool.

Come on, Carlos...

Come on...

wow didi went in hard. that was one hell of a play at short.

[210] (No, you were supposed to ask if I meant in this game.)

Please, Alex...

Come on...

Come on, Alex. Just one time. Come on.

how fucking great would it before for a-rod to give us the lead right now?

Two outs, no pinch running. Got one more turn through the order.

Yeah, boyeeeee!

Come on, ghost of Grady Little

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

motherfucker.

ARod this is your destiny...your time to come through, to shine, to bring home the marbles...and you failed

Mo fucking damn it

Sigh.

Can't win if you don't score. Goddammit!

Fuck. The guy is on the ropes. Take a goddamn pitch, Alex. WTFuckinFuck!

[210] No fucking shit.

Whoops, it was the ghost of Alex Rodriguez.

Pitcher on the ropes for the first time, mound visit threw his rhythm off... yeah, first-pitch hack was the plan there.

And A-Rod likely to bat with two outs in the 9th unless they get anyone on base before that..

That's right, top half of the inning is the small strike zone.

The best part of this game so far, outside of Tanaka's first, was hearing Chris Archer in the booth. That man bas a post-baseball career waiting for him.

Here we go.

Nice strike zone blue

WHY DON'T WE GET THAT CALL, BLUE???

Rat. Not close at 2nd. 2 outs.

That's a fucking ball, blue? It was right on the edge, meanwhile Dallas gets an inch on either side. You go to hell, you go to hell and die, you fucking pile of shit.

Goddamit.

Well, bullpen r0ulette.

that little fucking fuck.

Nice work, Dellin. Those walks are great ideas.

Unreal.

30-0 now.

[241] you got the "r-word" through!

I don't mind losing to another team. I do mind losing to both the other team and the umps.

Younger, better, not as dead. Jesus fucking fuckers.

[246] Well, I used the 0-o substitution.

[240] Dallas gets 4 inches

seriously, we better turn in the strike zone report on called strikes versus actual strikes after this game.

Hey Banter! Let's go YANKEES!

[248] But modern medicine player management shows you can be reasonably competent without a heart/soul and that seems to be good enough for this organization.

[250] the size of the umps **%#%*+*?

Hey Seamus I just started following the game on Gameday and there was a third pitch on that last batter that was in the strike zone but it was green meaning a called Ball. Please explain.

Was that Matt Harvey in that commercial? Wonder if he showed up on time.

[249] sneaky!

Ok, let's pound the pen now.

Just saw a pic of that Altuve hit..whoah.

I know IAOTIO (RIP Yogi!) but...well, I'm ready to find my old Dave Parker 'We Are Family' t-shirt just in case..

Lean into one, Stein!

Taking Kuechel out was a mistake. I hope we can take advantage.

Fuck you blue

That was a fucking pitch to hit.

Goddamn it.

It's bullshit that the umps are giving them that expanded zone. Strike 2 should've been ball 4 there with McCann.

[262] seriously I know it's symbolic but why hasn't Girardi gotten run with this strike zone.

take again

That's Headley!

yeah, boyeeee

well, we have a baserunner.

Here we go!

Here's the pitch map for the game.
Keuchel got five (I think) false strike calls; Tanaka got one.

Game was over when Houston scored. Seems like I can't remember the last time they had a lead in a game. Sometime in early September? Bullocks!

I'd love a home run but stop swinging for the fences.

Way to lay off that slider.

Hang the fuck in there.

Excellent take.

He's seeing the ball well.

gulp.

what are you looking at, bird???

Who needs that fastball?

[271] if I were paranoid, I'd think the fix was in.

Wait, what was that noise coming from my filling?

I could almost taste the walk coming. Good pitch though.

Arggh.

Is it just me or is Bird's stance and approach reminiscent of Paul O'Neil?

OMG this strike zone is ridiculous. Someone get tossed!

WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S NOT A FUCKING STRIKE!!!!!

This ump is a fucking disgrace.

He's on the goddamned take.

New candidate for worst call of the night.

[271] that must be a different pitch map than espn's because he had way more than 5 out based on the espn zone.

This team is toothless.

Sip already with more favorable calls than Tanaka.

This is a nightmare.

Like a eunuch.

And in Houston, almost half the bar patrons are watching the game!

so where is jeter watching this game?

Ya see Doc, I have this compulsion to watch crappy Yankee teams play crappy baseball in October. It's been going on since about 2010.

[285] ESPN must have their own pitch cameras. Brooks uses pitch f/x.

[271] McCann did a shit job framing for Tanaka. Anything off the plate and he lets the ball move it further. But fuck the Ump anyway because he has indeed fucked over the Yankee batters way too often. ugh.

To be honest, i've been pretty defeatist about this team. It's just too thin on offense. Defense wins championships but not without some semblance of an offense.

[291] Arod's house of course.

[283] Remember Rollerball? The original movie, not the crappy remake. It seems the powers that be want the up and coming feel good Astros. There doesn't have to be a lot of favoritism, just a bit.

Betances please please please drill Kelly Leak in the ribs.

[294] I bet that's right. I mean, I can't tell, myself, but that would explain it.

[295] I kind of feel the same way. It's liberating.

I wonder if Jeter's even watching this game. Didn't Torre say in his book that Jeter doesn't watch baseball if he's not playing in the game?

Of course that's a ball for us.

[301] He doesn't watch on tv is always what I understood.

lol theyve been getting that pitch all night.

For sure Jeter is reading this blog, though.

[280] O'Neill's swing was more versatile and quicker, IMO. He could inside out the ball. Bird seems more like Olerud in that his swing doesn't seem to change based on location/pitch type.

[300] Cousin in Florida just sent me a pic he snapped of Jeter tonight: https://sugardaddydating.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/rich-man-with-beautiful-women.jpg

Is there any chance of converting Betances to a starter?

[299] in a sad way...

[302] but perhaps that changes when you are retired? A mean, he's been playing for 20 years but this is the first time he has had all of this free time right? Just curious.

why couldn't he do that last inning?

not that it'll matter in the long run...

[306] that a lot of gift baskets...

[306] That is very insulting to women everywhere and Derek somewhere. I'm ashamed of you.

Complain all you want about balls and strikes Yankees haven't scored in weeks. Team hasn't shown any real offense since the trade deadline. Ellsbury,Gritner, Arod, Headcase, all stopped hitting. Didi had a hot two weeks the fizzled. Six outs left. Who wants to bet no one gets a hit?

HI Jeter.

[309]
Three strikeouts for Dellin!
You mean, just in this inning?
Yes.

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children
shout….

I am warming up for Alex's final at-bat with men on base.

the offense is so frustrating i didn't even enjoy betances dominance in that inning.

[315] Ya think Flynn and Blakey will get on base?

Didi! That was a foot outside!
And there's the booth talking about framing. Motherfucker.

[311] It wasn't me! My cousin in Florida, seriously. (Not cousin Yuri)

I hate hipster beards.

[306] I laughed. Seriously, Jeter is living large now.

why look at that pitch? it was perfect. swing the fucking bat.

put ellsbury in. do something, people.

FUCK!

ok i'm done complaining. c'mon gritner!

On that 1-2 curve to Gritner, BeltrN just peed a little.

Presentation? Looking forward to see that in OOTP 17 scouting reports.

Gardner? He's already in the game, Kruk

Booooooooooo

Have a nice winter, Brett.

Making the all star team was the kiss of death for Gardie.

Will Harris?? Who is this???

Me time.

brett really hearing it.

as he should...

By the way, in a week, to the day, I turn 51, so . . .

Boston was right to let him go. Too delicate.

Boo me!

pathetic.

[330] He's their best pitcher, actually. WHIP .901.

Betances was a starter when I watched him in AAA.

Why did they make him a reliever? I never heard.

[333] happy birthday! A-rod is getting ready to celebrate ....

[333] i'm sorry you won't be playing baseball on your birthday.

Yanks had a 700 OPS in september. Only 3 teams were worse. It's amazing that the Yanks made the playoffs.

[333] Nice!
But, looks like you won't be playing. :-(

[317} Nah...former is a hoodoo, while the latter is a cake.

Thus endeth the baseball season. I'm planning on spending my offseason watching the Crimson Tide win another glorious national title.

[338] Ah, I thought I remembered that.
I think he doesn't have enough pitches.
But surely he could learn another pitch...

[317] And Elsbury is just a flake.

God I hate Houston.

Oh no, who's going to pitch the tenth when we tie it?
I guess Miller can go two innings.

[338] He was unable to stay consistent with his mechanics pitching every 5 days. That messed up his control which in turn made hime a horribly unreliable starter. If I recall correctly.

[344] At least we have Gotham.

Dallas got a soft machine, Houston too close to New Orleans.

But no score truckin' for us.

don't fix what ain't broken. betances is a mega dominant reliever. Let him excel at it and find a starter to complement.

I'm looking forward to next year already. A year of Severino. The arrival of Judge. The return of Teix. Debating Ackley v. Refsnyder. The return of Eovaldi. And hopefully Pineda with stamina.

[349] Interesting.
But it sounds like something a guy could learn. Good coaching. Aroma therapy. Something.

Hey everybody - Score Truck is showing up in the bottom of the 9th, right?

Ain't over 'til it's over, right?

And curses to the Blue Jays.

omg they gave us a pitch!

[340] I think you're right. 1.8 WHIP his last couple years as a starter.

Time to get to work, boys

nice way to end the pitching performance of our season.

howza 'bout 3 straight solo jobs???

Well, 3 outs to score 3 runs.

Yeah, that ain't happening ...

i tend to forget that andrew miller is only 15.

"The New York Mets would like to congratulate the Boston Red Sox on winning the 1986 World Series."

What the hell; it worked once.

one homer for yogi

one homer for cc

one homer for the banter

we'll deal with extras in the bonus round.

[354] (My that's a big number). Nice, maybe they should all get aromatherapy

Get guys on base!

that was not part of my plan.

Good way to give away ab AB, Carlos.

that'll help end the pain sooner.

It's not on Tanaka, it's on the offense

BOOOOOOOOO!!

holy fuck.

what a bunch of fucking bollocks this is.

Every time over the last two months that I checked the scores and clicked on the standings... all of that what-if-they-win, what-happens-if-the-other-guys-lose, games in the loss column, magic numbers, blah blah blah... was all for the sake of this three-hour death march of anemic, piss-dribbling mediocrity on a night when Agents of Shield was on.

Umm, Yanks? You know, if you swing at balls outside of the strike zone, you make outs...

horseshit

Hanging by a thread...

but wouldn't this be one hell of a comeback??

Get it started, Brian!

Like it didn't even happen. This is too sad and pathetic to even get work up about any more. Fun game of comments and a fun season in general bantering with y'all. Sadly I will watch the Pirates probably get stymied tomorrow, too. Fuck.

Didn't know they apparently had midnight tee times.
Learn something new every day.

tv off.

boo.

Night all...

Grumble night all.

It's been real, Team.

I never expected to make it this far but Christ Jesus, this was a disgraceful exit.

Yeah, well, I expected that, but it was still bullshit to watch.

See y'all in March ...

Ahhhh. Guess not.

Well, banterers, it's been quite a season.

Not with a bang this year, but with a whimper.

See youse!

pitching is NOT everything.

[371] Yes indeed. The offense collapsed at the worst possible time.

Well, I have to admit, this sucks, but I didn't expect them to make it this far, and that helps a little bit.

So . . . go Pirates?

Didn't realize the 2012 Tigers have orange jerseys. This team has looked like a team that should have gotten no hit for the last five playoff games.

And for the record my crusty old self will never think of this as a year when the Yankees "made the playoffs."

136 days till pitchers and catchers report...

[389] should rightly be called a play-in game.

Let's go, Mets! Let's go, Met's! Let's go, Mets!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTLmDuhV3AQ

I know I'm only a sporadic presence, but I'm always grateful for the company. Thanks everyone here for enriching the season as usual.

I hear the Jets are 3-1. Must look into that.

alas, next year? do we even have hope? Is Stephen Drew scheduled to play all 9 positions? (I do feel sorry for him and his injury btw).

I am rooting for the dodgers and Mattingly to win the WS.

[396] that's reasonable. That or the Pirates would work for me.

[397] Part of me wants the Cubs, having just moved away from Chicago. But I still have friends there and would hate to see their homes burned in the ensuing mayhem.

[398] one can certainly understand rooting for the plight of the cubs...

[399] I'd never, ever root for the Cubs. Losers, awful ownership for decades, mostly bandwagon fans.