I’m going to ruin the peaceful, easy feeling we’ve enjoyed recently from the lack of Alex Rodriguez news or headlines.  After all, the mishegoss machine will crank up next week–if not sooner–when Selena Roberts’ anticipated Rodriguez biography is released.

But I enjoyed Bill Simmons’ recent piece on Rodriguez:

Of all the ways A-Rod has been described over the years, nobody has ever used “bad person.” We hear he’s awkward, needy, annoying, easily rattled, humorless, obsessed with his image, unsure of himself and unable to fit into a group dynamic. Jason Gay, who profiled him recently for Details magazine, claimed that, out to dinner, A-Rod made his order based on how he wanted Gay to perceive it, not by what he wanted. He’s simply a strange guy, not someone you’d want to drive cross-country with, for sure. But he’s not a bad guy.

Comparing him with Barry Bonds, it’s no contest. Bonds hogged three lockers, disparaged teammates, antagonized media members and allegedly cheated to get an edge. He sounded like an unequivocal nightmare, a perfect storm of rudeness. Other notorious cancers (Carl Everett, Albert Belle, Jeff Kent, Ugueth Urbina) earned their reputations by being hotheaded or fighting teammates or barking at team employees. In the end, even Manny went to the dark side, becoming such a distraction that Boston paid the Dodgers to take him.

…I will even go this far: There are undeniable positives to having one antisocial wild card in any close-knit environment. You know that one grating guy in your dorm hall or in your office? Don’t you like bitching about him? You lob grenades at him as soon as he leaves the room. He’s your running joke, an easy target. But he’s also a galvanizing force, one of the few things that bring everyone else together: a mutual contempt for one human being that won’t go away. You’re stuck with him, so you make the best of it — by belittling him.

It’s a common bond of sorts. Even as you believe he’s tearing your group apart, he’s bringing it closer and distracting anyone from turning on someone else. He’s your mean decoy, your Paula Abdul, your Newman. He’s your necessary evil.

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